I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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