basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
