That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
