So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
