I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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