No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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