the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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