R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
