walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
