so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
