I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
