bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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