Hey man sorry I got all grabby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
