my phone needs a breathalizer
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize