i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
