Just took my morning after pill in the library
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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