He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone came in the potted fern
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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