dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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