pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
