Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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