One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
