Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
