she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
