I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
