i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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