Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
