I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
