I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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