so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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