Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
