She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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