hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
