i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
