So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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