Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
