Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
