I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
