The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Quick, to the slutcave!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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