I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
