kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
