There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
