just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
