i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
