They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
