So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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