do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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