I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
