dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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