A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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