The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
