Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
