So drunk its hurt
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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