he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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