false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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