oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
