T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need moral support for this bender
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
