The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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