I think I am morally bankrupt
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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