I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize