I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
