He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
