i think my tv is drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
