i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize