I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
