YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
