so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
