sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just googled if crying burns calories
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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