just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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