Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
